Personal Pickings - A New Perspective

Personal Pickings is a feature here at Beautiful Bookish Butterflies that allows one of us to approach subject personal to us that has no link or connection to our bookish endeavors. Today, Amanda is talking about the stress she puts on herself to read, blog and - well, you can guess the rest..

People will know that over the last two months, I've been in what people would call a 'reading slump' - I myself, even called it a reading slump, however, on reflection, I've come to realise that this was not a reading slump, nor a blogging, not only because I don't consciously believe in slumps, but because a slump implies that you don't want to do these things anymore while that was simply not the case. Every night I would stare at my books and look at my ARC's on NetGalley and see books that I wanted to read, that I really wanted to read, but I couldn't make the transition between wanting to read and reading, I couldn't make the transition between wanting to write fresh, new discussion and reviews, and actually doing it, and I honestly believe it's because I was putting too much pressure on myself to in order to compete in the community. Now that I've come out of this tunnel of self-loathing, being disappointed in myself and rediscovering my love of reading and blogging again, I have gained a new perspective on things, both in life and online.

As of the date this goes out, I have been blogging, officially, under the name of Book Badger for around 11 months. That doesn't sound like an awful lot of time, but I blog alone, I run this show single handedly, and it's been a wonderful journey, honestly, it's one of the things in my life I'm most proud of, but it's not easy taking this journey on alone, there's no support network with you on the journey, there's nobody there to pick up the pieces when you're struggling to keep it together, and most of all, there's no time to do the other things you love to do, which for me personally, include watching too much television, playing on game addictively for days on end and actually getting further into my blog designing future. I'm currently on my Summer Holidays from college, so I don't have very many plans in the day, and it may scare you to know that from the moment I'm awake, freshened up, dressed and eaten, my laptop is open, either on my lap, on the floor in front of me, laying on my bed, until the moment I turn the lights out. This can be anywhere from 10am to 4am, a full 18 hours worth of blogging, visiting other blogs, promoting, searching for bookish news, talking to people, it all ends up and it takes over a large chunk of my life, almost suffocating my life, and when I came out of this, whatever it was I was going through, I made a decision that I didn't want that kind of life anymore. I wanted some freedom.


Now don't get me wrong, I'm not quitting, god no, do I think I'm crazy? I want to continue reading and blogging, keeping communication open, enjoying the community I've now become a member of, but I want to enjoy it, not feel as though I'm competing in it. I don't want to wake up and know that a day of staring at my laptop screen, typing away, reading away, communicating away, is all I have to look forward to, so I'm hoping to change a few things for myself personally, that should change how I look at this hobbie, but not affect you all in a negative way.

1. From now on, if I'm not writing something, communicating with somebody or visiting a blog, I will switch off my computer, and I will ignore my phone. Everybody needs time away from the things they love, and it will give me time to do the other things I love, to spend time with my Mum and hopefully strengthen my confidence in physical contact with people ready for college again in September. This will mean that replies to comments will take a little longer to come about, but definitely won't be forgotten about.
2. I will also stop trying to compete with other bloggers and create myself as a newer, more spunky (I've developed a liking for that word lately, and klunky, that's a good word too) version of themselves. I created Book Badger for myself, I created it so I could discuss my reviews and issues that come up in my life, and subjects concerning me and my feelings, not everybody elses, and I've lost that feeling a little, so I aim to gain it back. This will mean that some memes may be leaving Book Badger in place of developing the content that I want to post and promote, which means a more film reviews on a more regular basis, no more WoW posts and a possible re-formatting and switch up of Who Wore It Better.
3. Finally, I will be worrying less about reading to impress other people. I've found that I continue to buy and get a hold of physical books, but never feel able to read them because of my love of the library or because I've convinced myself people always want what's new rather than what's been, so while there will be regular reviews of upcoming novels and exciting new releases, I'll be dedicating time to the books I've left abandoned on my shelves and to the books that people dismiss from the library. This means that there less book reviews of new releases and a better balance between the old and the new, the excited for's and the forgottens, as well as a possible change in frequently occurring genres or authors to bring in some new, less known and hidden gems, which is something I pride myself on doing.

This sounds like a lot of change and a lot of difference in comparison to how things work now, but really, this is a change for me now that I've seen how much stress I was putting myself, how easily I was struggling to find joy in the things I found myself falling in love with, and I'm hoping that this new perspective will continue to change my life in a more positive way, and who knows, maybe one day I'll work with some other bloggers to create a network of support, maybe I'll even join forces with a couple and start a fresh on a new blog and incorporate my experiences from here to there, but right now, I'm here to stay and so is Book Badger.