Wednesday 13 May 2015

Where Art Thou Bisexual and Lesbian Relationships?

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I am bisexual.


Right now, there's a variety of feelings going through you all - some of you didn't even bat an eyelid, some may have tweaked an eyebrow in interest, some may have been surprised, and some will have been shocked and even disgusted, but right now, it's not your reaction that matters to me most, what matters to me most is that I feel there aren't enough LGBT novels out there that covers being bisexual, or lesbian for that matter, and I would say that this distresses me, but it does more than that, it angers me.

Now let's bare in mind that novels concerning gay couples are still few and far between, but there are some stand out titles that come to mind when people mention them in passing: The Realm of Possibility, Two Boys Kissing and Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan, and his short story in My True Love Gave To Me, Your Temporary Santa, One Man Guy by Michael Barakiva and Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz just to name a few, and it's an amazing step in literature, not only for these novels to have been published for young adult readers, but to have them liked and loved by people, but lesbian romances are still few and far between, no matter how many came about last year. Books like Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan, Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley and Everything Leads To You by Nina LaCour were raved about before their releases, but afterwards, they seemed forgotten about, yet the novels focusing on men seem to stay rife on the market.

Why?


Is it because male/male romances are more acceptable in society than female/female romances are? I myself have known of three male/male couples in my friendships group, two married and one very happily dating, and nobody batted an eyelid towards them. They are in love. They are happy and that's just accepted, yet, although I've come out to my closest friends, some have still seemed surprised when I've said I've got a crush on another woman, or if I think a lady looks attractive. Is it still a strange concept for people to understand, or is it that people are so aware of female/female porn that just assume it's all an act? Is society still unaccepting of romance between two women, and if so, is it affecting what books could and should be on the market?

I myself haven't been able to gain a copy of any of the aforementioned titles, but I did read Dare Me by Megan Abbott which, in my opinion, covered the subject very well - it covered the natural feeling of being interested in women, it showed the main character developing a crush on an older lady, it allowed the other characters to talk about liking and loving another woman with ease and with acceptance, it delved into the connection between two women and how lines between friendship and romance can become blurred and I'm telling you, I really enjoyed it, but there just wasn't enough in it for me to be wowed with amazement. I'm not asking for steamy scenes, wow, I'm not asking for erotica of any kind, I'm asking for there to be more authors willing to right about such romances in their novels without a seconds thought. I'm asking for a fantasy novel with a heroine and a love interest of the same sex, embarking on a romance with no such qualms about it being an LGBT novel. I'm asking for a novel that deals with science and development in technology but has a friendship to romance relationship with two women without a big deal being out it. I'm asking for romances, whether it be between men, between women or between both, to be something other than just a genre, to be in something other than just a contemporary. I'm asking for fairness.

I do fear that I may deviated a little, however, I don't expect everyone to feel the way I do, nor do I expect authors and publishers to get right on it, but I do wish for more books out there that relate to me completely. I'm more than happy reading a male/female romance, damn I have my fair share of book boyfriends, step aside people, I will battle you to the death, but there are so few female/female relationships that sometimes, it really makes me not only angry, but really pretty sad. There's still a fight to get more POC in novels, a not just in a fleeting mention, but in the front of the pack, and there's a battle to get more cultures involved in novels, but for me personally, my fight is to find more of books that relate to me, that allow me to not feel ashamed of who I am and who I may or may not love. There needs to be more out there, and there needs to be more out there now.

Should there be more lesbian/bisexual romances out there?

Should we be encouraging more diversity when it comes to sexuality and acceptance, both in contemporary and other genres?

30 comments:

  1. I've tooootally noticed that there are not many female/female romances! I HAVE. I was thinking about this the other day, when I realised most of the good LBGT books were about guys. :O I don't even really know or understand why and I really don't even think I can make a qualified guess. PEOPLE ARE WEIRD, IS ALL I CAN SAY. I think all kinds of people should be represented in literature. I think the world is getting the idea? But super slowly. I'm still angry at the huge gargantuan amount of sexism (that's unaddressed and assumed "normal") in books. So I guess the world is just slow in catching up?

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    1. I do think that there are different parts of society that are catching up in literature, just feels like a very slow, very depressing battle, you know? We're getting somewhere, and we can only hope to get there more!<3

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  2. There's definitely a lack of lesbian books on the market! And I, for one, would like to see them too. In fact, this very subject came up in a private author group on FB recently and without giving away names there was a leading theory (THIS IS NOT MY THEORY. Ahem.) Many of the LGBT books on the market are romances and written by women, mostly straight women. (Please excuse my upcoming crassness). Straight women like men and dicks, and therefore, are totally fine writing about two men and their body parts. Getting these same straight women to write about lesbians is a leap unless they have an inclination towards being gay, and then many don't want to do that because then they may get labeled as gay.

    While I think being labeled as gay because you wrote a book about lesbians is total BS, I do see the point here. I write a lot of straight relationships but I included a lesbian couple (my heroine's aunts) in my series, and other gay characters including someone who is bisexual (he goes from liking men to liking women). I like to explore all kinds of relationships, so it never occurred to me until I saw this discussion that it was out of the norm for straight women to write lesbians. Then I looked at the market and realized there are so few of these books!

    I'd like to right this someday if I have a good story for it. I just haven't been struck with inspiration yet :)

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    1. Actually, I do believe you have a very good point, and I think that's even worse, because it's a problem that's harder to fight. I can totally understand the labelling because of such writing, I think it's terrible that it happens, but it doesn't dullen my understanding, because I can't imagine the amount of judging that must happen because of it, it's just horrible that this effects what authors write, and what gets published..

      I like to think that if I ever tried to make a career out of writing, that I would expand this genre, I think it's important for me, and for others to have the variety and diversity out there, and sometimes, to make change, you've got to make it, I just hope for more diversity in the time it may take, but thank you for the insight from an authors point lovely!<3

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    2. We are thinking about it! Discussing it and mulling it over. It may take a tidal wave or a really amazing book to break this boundary, so the next few years will tell where it goes. It's definitely an underserved part of the market so anyone wanting to break out in it has both their work cut out for them and an undiscovered wealth of readers.

      Since you mentioned wanting to read these books, I'm going to recommend Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown, which I read in college and loved. Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami also has a lesbian protagonist plus it's a greatly surreal story. Rulebreaker by Cathy Pegau also has lesbian protagonists and is some fun scifi romance.

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    3. Tidal wave indeed, but the more notice and the more that's said, the braver some authors may feel, at least, that's the hope. Thank you for the varied recommendations too, I really appreciate it and will check them out :)

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  3. Definitely with you. You phrased it so well, Amanda! We need more diversified reads, in every aspect. You're right though. There are much more M/M romances in comparison to F/F which is a shame. Sadly enough, the literary world is much slower than (already sluggish) society. BUT I do believe we're getting there. More and more slowly, we're getting POC who aren't "ornamentations", who aren't plot devices. I want equality in society. I want equality in fiction. I'm willing to wait but dammit, please do it in my lifetime ha.

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    1. It is such a shame that the literary world is much slower, but it's a shame that society is as slow as it is too. There's simply not enough variety to equal the amount of diversity, and that's a crying shame. We can pray for change within our lifetimes, and who knows, it might just happen!<3

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  4. I love this post, Amanda! I've only ever read two books about two females falling in love. One didn't really impress me, because it wasn't very well written, but the other one I read was amazing. It was called No One Needs To Know by Amanda Grace and it was such a fabulous read.

    Don't get me wrong, I love a good F/M romance, it's what I've always read, but for me, it's in how the author writes the romance that gets me excited. The looks, the tension, the banter, etc and in that respect, it could feature ANYBODY - M/M, F/F M/F.

    It really does surprise me there isn't more equality in novels, here's hoping that can change - and soon!

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    1. Thanks lovely! I will definitely check that book out, thank you for recommending me it. I do think that you can easily write a romance, any romance, as long as it's written well, and it could be adapted easily for F/F, it's just taking that leap really.. Here's to change, and soon!<3

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  5. Yay for bravery and personal posts!!

    I think there's a weird disconnect here - I have some people in my life who are from an older generation, who while they aren't homophobic in a hating sense, are possibly homophobic in an uncomfortable sense - they would look away for example if two men are kissing on-screen. Now, in conversation with these individuals, they seem much more willing to accept a lesbian relationship, even if they don't understand it, because women are "loving, natural creatures" etc. so females having emotions for other females doesn't seem to bother them, but males with males does. Personally, I do think the porn industry has a lot to answer for here (the individual in question was an older male), because lesbian relationships have been sexualised for men, and therefore are deemed "acceptable" by men, but gay relationships haven't. This does make me wonder how gay characters feature more often than lesbian characters (without going into homosexual stereotypes i.e camp gays and butch lesbians, which is another pet hate of mine), considering the general consensus that watching two women in love is more "comfortable" than watching two men - how come reading about it isn't the same? When reading this I thought of Cassie Clare, because I loved that there was a gay character thrown into the mix in her novels, and that he faced typical difficult family dynamics with it, even though it was a paranormal read, and I loved that his friends accepted it so easily. But why couldn't that have been a lesbian character? While not exactly what you're looking for, I would recommend Pretty Things by Sara Manning. It was one of the first LGBT books I read (quite a few years ago, so go Manning for being ahead of the game) that features a sexuality spectrum if you will. I think you might enjoy it. I haven't read anywhere near enough LGBT fiction, and plan to keep working on that :D R x

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    1. Ah, yay! I do think there's also a disconnect with ages in society too. I know my Nanna herself isn't entirely comfortable with gay couples in any respect, she's very 'behind closed doors is okay' attitude centred, and I definitely understand it, it makes her uncomfortable for sure, but then the couples themselves are uncomfortable in themselves then, and that's not a good thing..

      I have to agree, while I think I've grown out of Cassie Clare's writing, how easily and honestly she wrote about Alec/Magnus was extremely wonderful - there was no 'LOOK, GAY PEOPLE' it was explored naturally, as you say, especially when faced with the family dynamics and friendships, and that's a great great thing. I will have to check out Pretty Things though, see what that's like, so thank you!<3

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  6. I love that you were so up front with it (: <33

    For me, i don't tend to read LGBT books because I can never connect with the character, since I'm not going through and to me, "trying" to understand them is almost insulting to what some of them have to go to. However, I'm not OPPOSED to read it and I wouldn't stop if a book were LGBT and I didn't know.

    I actually didn't know Everything Leads to You was LGBT because I'd only heard of the title and seen the cover but I think you're right. I could probably list three different books with males but not females. The only one I can think of is Lies we Tell Ourselves because that book was SO GOOD.

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    1. Thanks Nova! I think having come out already to close friends, it's a little easier online, you know? :)

      I think the struggle is that authors try to write things that will connect with the reader, and I understand how that would be difficult, it's trying to strike the balance. Yet, with a large number of the LGBT community being lesbian or bisexual, I do think there's a niche market that's got so much room for exploring. There's a definite need for diversity in our fiction, sexuality one of them me thinks. I did ALMOST read Lies We Tell Ourselves, the only reason I didn't was because of the historical aspect, that doesn't really work for me sadly, but still, it got so much love!<3

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  7. Wow, thank you for posting this Amanda. I can't imagine how much courage it must have taken to write a post so personal like this one. Thank you for being brave enough to share your own experiences. <3

    As for your question, I completely agree. There's so many male/male romances, but it's really rare to find any female/female romances; which is definitely aggravating. On the bright side though, there's so many more than there were, say, 5 or so years ago, so it's great then even if they're not quite a norm yet that they're becoming more and more popular and widespread.

    Thanks again for sharing this and fabulous post!

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    1. Thanks Zoe, that means a lot, honestly!<3
      I do have to agree, the amount that are in the market now is such a good thing, it's better than nothing for sure!

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  8. To tell you the truth,I've never read a book which focuses on a gay or lesbian relationship.Not because I don't support or am disgusted by the subject,but I just never felt that I could connect to them.But now I am rethinking,that maybe the reason why I never was able to,was because they were all told in a boy's perspective.Maybe if a book with a girl protagonist focuses on such a story,I think I'll be able to connect,because obviously I can understand a girl's feelings more than a boy's

    Which means,that we really do need bisexual and lesbian romances in YA.Another thing I noticed is that majority of books that focus on the LGBT community are written by males.And they end up being M/M romances.Maybe what we need is more female authors daring to cover the subject.

    Beautiful post Amanda,and I really appreciate you for writing this!

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    1. I do think that's a fine line actually Mishma, I always wonder if ladies would relate more to the emotions going through a woman, whether it be LGBT or not, so if they read a lesbian focused novel, would it make a difference, you know? It's something that needs thought really.. I do think there's a plunge to be made in fiction, we can only hope right? :D<3

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    2. Interesting. All the M/M romance books I know of are written by straight women! Like all of them. Hmmm.

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    3. I guess there's a little more variety in those books that first imagined..

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  9. Very well said! I love the way you went about this. I definitely agree, there are far more M/M books than F/F, and that isn't right. Authors, we want more!! <3

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    1. Thanks Lisa! With time, we might just get more<3

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  10. There definitely should be Amanda! I'm all for diversity and reading about a wide range of relationships and stuff would be great in fiction, because it'd be more real you know? I think all the LGBT literature out there is definitely being more frequent, so hopefully there'll be some great bi-sexual or lesbian reads as well.

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    1. We can definitely hope for more variety, especially in this area, but it'll take a lot of time I think<3

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  11. You know, I'd been thinking of doing a post about this for so long now. Not about wanting more lesbian/bisexual romances, although that's needed. Buy for those relationships to just be in YA and fiction books without them being the main plot point. For them to just be another normal relationship within the novel. I've read a few books recently where that was the case and I was so happy for it - but they were both relationships between men. Not between women. I do feel those are lacking. But I want those relationships to not be seen only in books deemed LGBT. Why are so many YA books having male gay couples as secondary characters, but I can't even really think of one where that's the case for a lesbian couple? It bugs me. My sister is a lesbian so I think I'd just like for more books to acknowledge the fact that gay relationships are a normal thing... not something that requires having a book where a persons sexual orientation is the main plot point and main thing about that character. Wow... I'm getting too long winded here haha

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    1. Yes yes, I considered doing a post like that also, and I think you still should, it would be great to see it, especially from a librarians perspective, you know? Never fear being long-winded, nothing wrong with that!<3

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  12. F/F fiction is definitely lacking, especially when compared to m/m. All kinds of diversity and honest representation is important, but I really hope this specific aspect improves upon in the years to come. I also really believe is that if we want more, we have to support the books that are already available. Hopefully the WNDB campaign will help things along, too.

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    1. I agree, it and when I can, it's definitely something I continue to look out for, I have many books with this aspect in that I want to read, here's hoping that I'll get a good collection soon! Thanks for visiting Rebecca!<3

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  13. I'm constantly surprised by the lack of bi and lesbian relationships I see in pop culture. For some reason I'd always felt like lesbian couples were more accepted, but I've realized lately it's not that it's more accepted - it's just not taken as seriously and therefore has less outspoken hatred towards it. Coming from The Bible Belt down south, most people seem to think that
    A. "They're just experimenting"/"She just hasn't found the right man yet"
    B. It's sexualized, and therefore is still not seen as a serious relationship sort of thing, but generally a male-pleasure thing.

    But that could just be a skewed perception on the whole matter. It's very telling that while I can name M/M pairings in pretty much any medium you could name...I'd have a hard time coming up with more than one for each category of F/F and CERTAINLY wouldn't be able to fill all the categories with bi characters.

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    1. Indeed, exactly that is what I think the problem is, it's just ignored so it doesn't exist rather than hated on. I've been told that I'll find the right 'guy' soon, or that 'I've got trust issues with men' which definitely not true, and it's a shame that isn't seen this way. There's so much room for filling these categories with lesbian and bisexual characters, here;s hoping they get filled soon!

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