Saturday 23 August 2014

Personal Pickings - A New Perspective

Personal Pickings is a feature here at Beautiful Bookish Butterflies that allows one of us to approach subject personal to us that has no link or connection to our bookish endeavors. Today, Amanda is talking about the stress she puts on herself to read, blog and - well, you can guess the rest..


People will know that over the last two months, I've been in what people would call a 'reading slump' - I myself, even called it a reading slump, however, on reflection, I've come to realise that this was not a reading slump, nor a blogging, not only because I don't consciously believe in slumps, but because a slump implies that you don't want to do these things anymore while that was simply not the case. Every night I would stare at my books and look at my ARC's on NetGalley and see books that I wanted to read, that I really wanted to read, but I couldn't make the transition between wanting to read and reading, I couldn't make the transition between wanting to write fresh, new discussion and reviews, and actually doing it, and I honestly believe it's because I was putting too much pressure on myself to in order to compete in the community. Now that I've come out of this tunnel of self-loathing, being disappointed in myself and rediscovering my love of reading and blogging again, I have gained a new perspective on things, both in life and online.

As of the date this goes out, I have been blogging, officially, under the name of Book Badger for around 11 months. That doesn't sound like an awful lot of time, but I blog alone, I run this show single handedly, and it's been a wonderful journey, honestly, it's one of the things in my life I'm most proud of, but it's not easy taking this journey on alone, there's no support network with you on the journey, there's nobody there to pick up the pieces when you're struggling to keep it together, and most of all, there's no time to do the other things you love to do, which for me personally, include watching too much television, playing on game addictively for days on end and actually getting further into my blog designing future. I'm currently on my Summer Holidays from college, so I don't have very many plans in the day, and it may scare you to know that from the moment I'm awake, freshened up, dressed and eaten, my laptop is open, either on my lap, on the floor in front of me, laying on my bed, until the moment I turn the lights out. This can be anywhere from 10am to 4am, a full 18 hours worth of blogging, visiting other blogs, promoting, searching for bookish news, talking to people, it all ends up and it takes over a large chunk of my life, almost suffocating my life, and when I came out of this, whatever it was I was going through, I made a decision that I didn't want that kind of life anymore. I wanted some freedom.


Now don't get me wrong, I'm not quitting, god no, do I think I'm crazy? I want to continue reading and blogging, keeping communication open, enjoying the community I've now become a member of, but I want to enjoy it, not feel as though I'm competing in it. I don't want to wake up and know that a day of staring at my laptop screen, typing away, reading away, communicating away, is all I have to look forward to, so I'm hoping to change a few things for myself personally, that should change how I look at this hobbie, but not affect you all in a negative way.
  1. From now on, if I'm not writing something, communicating with somebody or visiting a blog, I will switch off my computer, and I will ignore my phone. Everybody needs time away from the things they love, and it will give me time to do the other things I love, to spend time with my Mum and hopefully strengthen my confidence in physical contact with people ready for college again in September. This will mean that replies to comments will take a little longer to come about, but definitely won't be forgotten about.
  2. I will also stop trying to compete with other bloggers and create myself as a newer, more spunky (I've developed a liking for that word lately, and klunky, that's a good word too) version of themselves. I created Book Badger for myself, I created it so I could discuss my reviews and issues that come up in my life, and subjects concerning me and my feelings, not everybody elses, and I've lost that feeling a little, so I aim to gain it back. This will mean that some memes may be leaving Book Badger in place of developing the content that I want to post and promote, which means a more film reviews on a more regular basis, no more WoW posts and a possible re-formatting and switch up of Who Wore It Better.
  3. Finally, I will be worrying less about reading to impress other people. I've found that I continue to buy and get a hold of physical books, but never feel able to read them because of my love of the library or because I've convinced myself people always want what's new rather than what's been, so while there will be regular reviews of upcoming novels and exciting new releases, I'll be dedicating time to the books I've left abandoned on my shelves and to the books that people dismiss from the library. This means that there less book reviews of new releases and a better balance between the old and the new, the excited for's and the forgottens, as well as a possible change in frequently occurring genres or authors to bring in some new, less known and hidden gems, which is something I pride myself on doing.


This sounds like a lot of change and a lot of difference in comparison to how things work now, but really, this is a change for me now that I've seen how much stress I was putting myself, how easily I was struggling to find joy in the things I found myself falling in love with, and I'm hoping that this new perspective will continue to change my life in a more positive way, and who knows, maybe one day I'll work with some other bloggers to create a network of support, maybe I'll even join forces with a couple and start a fresh on a new blog and incorporate my experiences from here to there, but right now, I'm here to stay and so is Book Badger.

19 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean Amanda, lately I've found myself trying to rush to get out a post each day because the last few weeks I've been organised. But I don't like blogging during the day because it takes me away from other things. It's why I try to schedule as much the days Glenn is working nights, because it's only me awake in the house so if I chose to spend 5-8 hours each night blogging it's ok. I tend to go on the blog in the morning for a bit just to reply to messages or re do posts or something but I try to stay away from it as much as possible during the day and that's a hard thing, it's like a drug haha. I dread to think what I would be like if I didn't have Caitlyn and responsibilities, I'd more than likely sit with my laptop all day too so don't be too ashamed about that ok? :)

    I also know what you mean about trying to read/review older books. Since I started blogging the books I wanted to read that came out before 2011 are forgotten about and I'm going to try and read at least 20 books that were published before 2010 next year. (Think I might make a challenge for that... I'll email you about it) I've felt like people would prefer to see newer books reviewed but at the end of the day, the blog was made for fun at the start and though I've grown more and more serious about it I still think I should be able to post about what I want. Be that 10 older book reviews in a row or a mixture, you know?. I think we should just remember that even though we are part of a community, we are also doing it for ourselves and that's all that matters :)

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    1. You do a lot of posts though Stacie, you should be really proud of yourself, really! :)
      Reading and reviewing some of the older books is seriously something I want to do more, just without the stress or expectation of other people, everyone likes a book they can just go and buy for cheaper right? That's what these older books are like, so that's the aim, encourage more oldies on the scene, like 2009, 2010! Hey, that idea, the oldie books, what about that as a challenge for the read-a-thon?! Such a good thought, I'll jot it down :D

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    2. yeah I know, but sometimes if I forget to to a post for a day I tend to worry about it and sit at the comment during the day doing it..
      Well it can just be something we both do if you want? and yeah I agree, everyone likes one they can buy for cheaper. Well I was thinking more of a whole year long thing but that can be my own personal challenge, part of the read-a-thon sounds great :)

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  2. I'd hate for blogging to be stressful and awful for you...but at the same time, I'm going to be selfish here and say PLEASE DON'T EVER STOP. I LOVE YOUR BLOG WAY TOO MUCH. *cries a little* I get it though, I do. Even I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed these days. I mean I know I'm supposedly co-blogging, but my sister just as zero time to do anything and. And it's hard blogging alone! I get that! I just want to lie back and draw and watch tv for a bit, so I'm actually glad I'm going away soon. It'll be a nice break.

    So definitely, yes! Have a break! BUT DON'T LEAVE US. *whispers* I spend way too much time comparing myself to all the "successful" bloggers out there. *sigh* It's exhausting and kind of disheartening but I can't seem to stop! I admire so many of you bloggers so much.

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    1. Oh I promise you Cait, I won't stop blogging unless I literally cannot because of time or other arrangements. God knows what the future holds, but I will definitely keep blogging, I just don't want to burn myself out really. It needs to stay fun and when you're doing it alone, it can be difficult. I actually don't think I've ever seen Mime do a post since I've followed, and that's a while, but you do so well keeping things fantastic anyway, you should be really pleased! Definitely NOT leaving ;)

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  3. I think many bloggers get this at certain points, and whatever happens we'll always be here reading, so take the time you need to regroup and rethink things :) new perspectives are always good, I think. A lot of us do compare ourselves to other, "better" bloggers, but to me the community is the most important thing to me. And having a break from that is important too, so I hope you're okay, and that you start enjoying blogging more, and just...*HUGS* :) keep on swimming :)

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    1. Thank you Emily! I'll keep swimming indeed :)

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  4. PHEWWW while reading this post I thought you were going to quit Amanda and I'm so glad that isn't the case. It's so easy to get consumed by blogging and trying to read all the latest ARCs and catching up and everything that other bloggers seem to be doing, and I'm so glad you've been able to gain some perspective hun. Glad to hear you'll also be dedicating the reading time to the ones on your shelves - perhaps it will inspire me in the long run!

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    1. Oh definitely not Jeann, I never realised how it would sound to others in that way, whoops! I'm really getting back into it, so that's the great news anyway :)

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  5. This is exactly what I've been going through lately as well. For the past month I've just been blahh, so over blogging and took about a month off and the sad part was, I really didn't miss it at all. But my parents and friends would occasionally ask how my blog was and I almost felt guilty for leaving it for so long and not missing it. You said it perfectly: this is something that we are really proud of. " I don't want to wake up and know that a day of staring at my laptop screen, typing away, reading away, communicating away, is all I have to look forward to." Literally, this. Every day waking up and knowing you have to dedicate a large chunk of time to this isn't exactly fun, especially after doing it for so long. Glad you aren't giving up! Thanks for stopping by my blog, too!

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    1. You're welcome Alise, I'm glad you feel the same way and that I'm not alone :D

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  6. I went through this back in the early days of blogging. I think everybody should be blogging for themselves, in one way or another, so I think it's great that you're doing exactly what you want to do! I'm so glad that you're here to stay :D

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    1. Thank you Amber, I was nervous over how people would react, but it's been really positive :)

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  7. Good for you! Sometimes, we set our expectations too high, and then we become annoyed with ourselves when we fail to meet them. I have a whole heap of respect for lone bloggers (I am so THANKFUL that I have two other co-bloggers with me!) and I can't imagine doing this alone. Becoming unplugged is a good way to step away for a while and enjoy your life!

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    1. I'm so glad you understand Lyn, it means a lot. Lone blogging is hard for sure, and I'd consider co-bloggers in the future so that it was definitely easier, but we'll have to see where the future takes me first :)

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  8. I know how you feel. I've been blogging for 2.5 years on my own now and sometimes it can get a little stressy. There is no one else there to help you, but at the same time I've let go of the pressure. I think it's great you are changing things up and I hope these changes will help you :D!

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    1. Thank you Mel. It's strange to feel so laid back about the blog, but really, it is a hobby after all, not a job :)

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  9. WOO!!! GOOD FOR YOU! I completely, 100% understand your pain and feel you on this. Blogging is a lot of hard work, it eats up your social life and can be kind of all consuming at times. I have spent hours just staring at my laptop waiting for some inspiration to hit me so I can get a post up. I think we both seem to put a lot of pressure on ourselves as far as blogging go, although you're way better at this than me. Your scheduling is AMAZING! I am happy you're changing it up though, not worrying so much and doing the blogging more for yourself than anybody else. I definitely need to take a lesson from you and stop worrying so much, I started my blog for me, something to do and be proud of. I should stop letting it run my life. Eeek, LOVE this post! :)

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    1. Scheduling is only good if you've got the ideas. Sometimes I won't read for the entire night because my mind has exploded with ideas and I need to get them down (happened the other night, full blown three discussions in an hour and a half, madness!) but it can be difficult, I won't deny that. Chill out girl, it'll be okay :)

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